I'm Baaaaack, I hope!
I decided to share some of my inner thoughts with whomever might be out there . It is my own brand of therapy so here goes with the first installment;
ONE
I guess it’s about time that I set down my feelings into words. I never actually knew what depression was until recently. I am writing this rather haphazardly so it will read like a stream of consciousness but I really don’t want to spend the time to organize my thoughts. It will only discourage me to keep writing.
I first noticed something strange happening to me after the Radiation/Chemo stopped and I was surprised at how fast I went downhill, at least in my level of fatigue. I seemed to be totally unable to move to take a small step without a lot of mental preparation. All during my Radiation Therapy I had to be somewhere at a certain time every morning and I never had a problem getting there or functioning immediately thereafter. I left the Radiation lab and went to the office for a few hours and didn’t feel overly tired or unable to function. I was alert and able to perform my job and answer questions on the phone. I was feeding my self via the stomach tube so I kept pretty stationary in the afternoons. I went to bed without difficulty and slept well with the aid of a sleeping pill. I stopped taking any sort of pain medication pretty early on in the treatment. Tuesdays were my Chemo days which required my having a driver since the regimen included some sleep inducing meds. On those days I did not go to the office and dozed in the afternoon while connected to me feeding tube.
This all changed the day my routine stopped. I now think it had a lot to do with the fact I had no place to go in the morning. I could not function. I awoke after what I thought was a good night’s sleep but I felt fatigued and groggy. I attributed the grogginess to the sleeping pills so I stopped those and slept just as well but awoke less groggy. I still suffered from fatigue and a real lack of energy. It’s really hard to explain sitting and thinking about getting up and going into another room and having to take time to make body parts get started into motion.
It seemed like I was experiencing this feeling for a month after my treatment stopped and in the middle of all this I was also having to face the closure of the office and being out of work involuntarily for the first time in almost 50 years. The debts of my past with no income for the future caught up with me mentally as well and so now I am dealing with a case of Shingles, a stress related virus.
Another contributor to my depression is the bladder condition which doesn’t seem to be improving at a satisfactory rate for me and my Doctor is not very encouraging.
Well, so much for #1.
ONE
I guess it’s about time that I set down my feelings into words. I never actually knew what depression was until recently. I am writing this rather haphazardly so it will read like a stream of consciousness but I really don’t want to spend the time to organize my thoughts. It will only discourage me to keep writing.
I first noticed something strange happening to me after the Radiation/Chemo stopped and I was surprised at how fast I went downhill, at least in my level of fatigue. I seemed to be totally unable to move to take a small step without a lot of mental preparation. All during my Radiation Therapy I had to be somewhere at a certain time every morning and I never had a problem getting there or functioning immediately thereafter. I left the Radiation lab and went to the office for a few hours and didn’t feel overly tired or unable to function. I was alert and able to perform my job and answer questions on the phone. I was feeding my self via the stomach tube so I kept pretty stationary in the afternoons. I went to bed without difficulty and slept well with the aid of a sleeping pill. I stopped taking any sort of pain medication pretty early on in the treatment. Tuesdays were my Chemo days which required my having a driver since the regimen included some sleep inducing meds. On those days I did not go to the office and dozed in the afternoon while connected to me feeding tube.
This all changed the day my routine stopped. I now think it had a lot to do with the fact I had no place to go in the morning. I could not function. I awoke after what I thought was a good night’s sleep but I felt fatigued and groggy. I attributed the grogginess to the sleeping pills so I stopped those and slept just as well but awoke less groggy. I still suffered from fatigue and a real lack of energy. It’s really hard to explain sitting and thinking about getting up and going into another room and having to take time to make body parts get started into motion.
It seemed like I was experiencing this feeling for a month after my treatment stopped and in the middle of all this I was also having to face the closure of the office and being out of work involuntarily for the first time in almost 50 years. The debts of my past with no income for the future caught up with me mentally as well and so now I am dealing with a case of Shingles, a stress related virus.
Another contributor to my depression is the bladder condition which doesn’t seem to be improving at a satisfactory rate for me and my Doctor is not very encouraging.
Well, so much for #1.
posted by Michael at
3:40:00 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home