THE DEATH WATCH-TWENTY-0NE
Death & Dying-2
I have received quite a bit of correspondence with reference to the Blog I have been writing since I was diagnosed with incurable cancer. The common theme is that the writers believe I’m doing something remarkable in detailing my feelings about “Death & Dying”. What I find remarkable, and rather sad, is that others find what I’m doing remarkable.
Some how and somewhere society has made a disconnect between the reality of death and made a myth of dying. I don’t seem to be caught up with these obstacles to the reality and therefore I am proceeding as I see things unfolding. The letters, however, have brought out this disconnect and maybe I can help by delving further into my feelings about “Death & Dying”.
People, in general, fear dying. Not necessarily just for themselves but for others close to them. It is more than they are afraid to die. One drives at a safe speed so they won’t hit anything and get killed. Is this due to a fear of dying? I doubt it. People aren’t really faced with the prospect of dying until they are ill or actually in that accident they were trying to avoid.
At one time I had a difference of opinion with a school counselor with reference to a 9-year-old boy that was having trouble in school mainly because he was such a nice kid that his teachers never pushed him to learn. I took it upon myself to work with him so that he learned how to read and I was very demanding in my efforts. The school counselor took umbrage with my methods and suggested that what he needed was to be “motivated”. She really got upset when I suggested that fear was a great motivator. Apparently I was more prophetic than I realized. Fear seems to be a real and VERY popular motivator.
Kids are threatened to behave with certain key phrases like, “God will punish you for that” or “You won’t go to heaven when you die” or “You’ll get coal in your stocking at Christmas”. Fear!
Our leaders in Washington are constantly not only talking down to us but they use large dosages of FEAR to get us to believe what it is they are trying to sell us. The whole basis for Rudy Gs campaign and apparent popularity is FEAR.
Let’s talk a little bit about “Heaven & Hell”. An obvious religious reference and, therefore, steeped in FAITH. Without setting out to destroy the entire concept I would like to raise some questions I have had for a very long time. When someone is dying they are told they are going to a better place, namely heaven. When someone has died there loved ones are told that they are in a better place, namely heaven. All through their lives they know of the existence of this better place. The song goes, “You’ll get pie in the sky when you die”. So why aren’t more people rushing to get there? Suicide is a sin and yet it seems all the hype about heaven would encourage more suicides.
The fear of hell has never seemed like a big deterrent to crime as the badge, the gun and jail. Based on the crime rate in this country, those don’t seem like good deterrents either. Is there a real behavior modification in a person due to the fear of going to hell vs. going to heaven? I wish I knew the answer.
Death is not a thing that one need fear. It is part of the natural process of life, from birth to death. Of course when someone dies young it is a sad occurrence. Death at the hands of another human being is also sad and there may be fear involved when the death is related to some crime like a serial killer but in the case of naturally occurring death, such as from an illness, does not need to be feared.
If you believe that death is preordained in the natural order of things then you should be able to face death with an open mind and very little fear. Death is inevitable. It is when death causes anxiety that it becomes a concern. At this time my only concern is the preparations I have to make to ease the burden on those I leave behind.
The tight rope that those around me have to walk is to maintain a relatively normal life style and not exclude me just because I’m ill. Soon they are going to have to do things without me and they should not be afraid to plan for those occasions.
I am straight with what I have to face but my biggest problem is trying to help others face their own realities. I don’t ever expect to get that right.
I have received quite a bit of correspondence with reference to the Blog I have been writing since I was diagnosed with incurable cancer. The common theme is that the writers believe I’m doing something remarkable in detailing my feelings about “Death & Dying”. What I find remarkable, and rather sad, is that others find what I’m doing remarkable.
Some how and somewhere society has made a disconnect between the reality of death and made a myth of dying. I don’t seem to be caught up with these obstacles to the reality and therefore I am proceeding as I see things unfolding. The letters, however, have brought out this disconnect and maybe I can help by delving further into my feelings about “Death & Dying”.
People, in general, fear dying. Not necessarily just for themselves but for others close to them. It is more than they are afraid to die. One drives at a safe speed so they won’t hit anything and get killed. Is this due to a fear of dying? I doubt it. People aren’t really faced with the prospect of dying until they are ill or actually in that accident they were trying to avoid.
At one time I had a difference of opinion with a school counselor with reference to a 9-year-old boy that was having trouble in school mainly because he was such a nice kid that his teachers never pushed him to learn. I took it upon myself to work with him so that he learned how to read and I was very demanding in my efforts. The school counselor took umbrage with my methods and suggested that what he needed was to be “motivated”. She really got upset when I suggested that fear was a great motivator. Apparently I was more prophetic than I realized. Fear seems to be a real and VERY popular motivator.
Kids are threatened to behave with certain key phrases like, “God will punish you for that” or “You won’t go to heaven when you die” or “You’ll get coal in your stocking at Christmas”. Fear!
Our leaders in Washington are constantly not only talking down to us but they use large dosages of FEAR to get us to believe what it is they are trying to sell us. The whole basis for Rudy Gs campaign and apparent popularity is FEAR.
Let’s talk a little bit about “Heaven & Hell”. An obvious religious reference and, therefore, steeped in FAITH. Without setting out to destroy the entire concept I would like to raise some questions I have had for a very long time. When someone is dying they are told they are going to a better place, namely heaven. When someone has died there loved ones are told that they are in a better place, namely heaven. All through their lives they know of the existence of this better place. The song goes, “You’ll get pie in the sky when you die”. So why aren’t more people rushing to get there? Suicide is a sin and yet it seems all the hype about heaven would encourage more suicides.
The fear of hell has never seemed like a big deterrent to crime as the badge, the gun and jail. Based on the crime rate in this country, those don’t seem like good deterrents either. Is there a real behavior modification in a person due to the fear of going to hell vs. going to heaven? I wish I knew the answer.
Death is not a thing that one need fear. It is part of the natural process of life, from birth to death. Of course when someone dies young it is a sad occurrence. Death at the hands of another human being is also sad and there may be fear involved when the death is related to some crime like a serial killer but in the case of naturally occurring death, such as from an illness, does not need to be feared.
If you believe that death is preordained in the natural order of things then you should be able to face death with an open mind and very little fear. Death is inevitable. It is when death causes anxiety that it becomes a concern. At this time my only concern is the preparations I have to make to ease the burden on those I leave behind.
The tight rope that those around me have to walk is to maintain a relatively normal life style and not exclude me just because I’m ill. Soon they are going to have to do things without me and they should not be afraid to plan for those occasions.
I am straight with what I have to face but my biggest problem is trying to help others face their own realities. I don’t ever expect to get that right.
posted by Michael at
3:03:00 PM
1 Comments:
I found a quote recently which made me think of you, and of what you're writing about here. I thought you'd like it:
"The fear of death is more to be dreaded than death itself." - Pubilius Syrus (1st Century B.C.E.)
By
Jessica, at 2:40 PM
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